jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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