Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
