Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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