So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
