He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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