Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
