I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
