you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
