There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
