Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
