he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
