Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
