I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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