took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
