Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
