think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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