she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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