Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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