If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
