The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
