How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
