my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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