I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have fence marks all over my body
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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