he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
