I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
