so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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