it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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