Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
