im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
