I CAN MOONWALK!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
