too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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