I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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