he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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