Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
