Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
