if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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