he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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