the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
