I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
