this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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