it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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