is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
