I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
