He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
