Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
