is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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