she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
