I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
