From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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