Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
