all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
