That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
