I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
