Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
