so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
