i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
