That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
