also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
