I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
