Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
