Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
