please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
