The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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