exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
