Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
