The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
