it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
