I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
