Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
