K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
