don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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