i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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