WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
