separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
