Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
