This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
